Monday, January 16, 2017

asian homes design

eddie huang: yo, i'meddie huang, and i got high on munchies. i got to make fun of my boyeating a pear in a men's locker room. i got to tell plan b jokes. i told jokes about panda shit. you can't really do thatanywhere else. it's fun. and we're not knuckleheads.

we're not idiots. we are telling stories that meansomething, but in our own vernacular. and that's what i really love. so there it is, thewhole shebang. vice presents munchieswith eddie huang. female speaker 1: thisfamous cook? eddie huang: what is this? i don't know this.

oh, i would definitelychef here. i'm going to create aspecial health menu. eddie huang: chinese juices,dragon sweat, panda shit, the best. mmm. my name is eddie huang. the name of my restaurantis baohaus, and we serve taiwanese-style street food. bao just means bun orbread in chinese.

everybody has variationson pork bun. but i was like, yo, let's takea step back and do the og shit, the real, authentic,taiwanese way they've been doing since the '50s. so i wanted to red cook the porkand topping with peanuts and sugar and cilantro, likehow we do in taiwan, and it just really took off. it's not like my mission inlife was to open a bao restaurant.

this was the item thatmade the most sense. it's portable. it's the asian answerto a taco. the names for thebaos are cool. the original's named afterchairman mao, because mao's from hunan. and my technique for thered-cooked pork belly is from hunan the province. that's where my family's from.

and then we got thebird house bao. it's chicken. the inspiration for that wasrobin givens because she's the biggest bird in the world. i hate that bitch. ruined mike tyson. so yeah, we're going to go hangout with detective max koshkerman. he always sounds like he'sinterrogating people.

max koshkerman: what do you gotfor breakfast, a salad? eddie huang: the other dudeis simonez wolf, chef sez. i know sez from thedoor at le band. he's always clowningmotherfuckers outside, not letting anybody in. he's a funny cat. emile haynie: how's it going? eddie huang: this motherfuckeris the latest one man. what's wrong with you?

you all know emile. he produced "runaway". he produced lana delrey's new album. honestly, we should just eat thefucking, that new pot pie. that new kfc pot pieis the moves. really we all just hang out. and we like to eat. so we're going to goeat at nan xiang shanghai-style breakfast.

after you mr. jimenez. so flushing's an interestingneighborhood because a lot of people feel like thebest chinese food comes from taiwan. after the revolution,most chinese master chefs fled to taiwan. they came to new york, setup shop in flushing. simonez wolf: which way? you know the way.

eddie huang: first restaurantwe went to was nan xiang xiao long bao. they do the best shanghainesebreakfast i've had in new york hands down. deep bow. that's a dismissive one. [speaking chinese] eddie huang: you think chinesebreakfast, and everybody just assumes dim sum.

but dim sum is a cantonesething, southern china on the coast. a lot of the rest of the easterncoast of china, people like to eat soup dumplings,hot soy milk, cruellers. these are dishes that youdon't usually see in the american canon ofchinese food. so i like people to seeit because that's what i grew up with. max koshkerman: i'lltell you what man.

only eat fresh soy milk. people don't even understand-- eddie huang: game over, dude. game over. max koshkerman: --howincredible it is. eddie huang: this is a beefscallion pancake, one of my favorite dishes. this dish, it's beef and tripetogether, spicy oil. but the folk name forit is [chinese],

husband and wife platter. now soup dumpling 101. i'm going to show this. you see a lot of goons pokingholes right in the top. hooligans. this is what you do. soup dumpling gets a sauna. you put it in the vinegar. let it chill out, maybe 30seconds to a minute.

it'll cool. then you eat it. this is the only way to do it. you do it any other way-- max koshkerman: don'tbe a hooligan-- eddie huang: don't bea fucking hooligan. max koshkerman: --while eatinga soup dumpling. eddie huang: yeah. and you see all thesemotherfuckers on facebook, oh

my favorite food issoup dumplings. they're like pokingthem like this. max koshkerman: respectthe dumpling. don't be a hooligan. simonez wolf: can i do this? this is good? max koshkerman: i don't know. eddie huang: that looks likesome crazy french shit. see, i should host a showteaching people how to do this

called, "so you think you wantto be a chinaman." "so you think you can chinaman."oh thank you. thank you grasshopper. eddie huang: oh and then afterthat, we went to probably the best cantonese restaurant inany of the five boroughs, imperial palace. max koshkerman: respectfor that. i can't reach that. oh now hold on.

simonez wolf: oh ninja. oh, can't reach you. eddie huang: [speaking chinese] eddie huang: i got thecrab on rice, seafood on pan-fried noodles. i got a little fried grouper. i think we're good. max koshkerman: is thatlobster in that? max koshkerman: whatare you saying?

eddie huang: so max wasbeing extra difficult. i usually don't go to restaurantand order all fucking shellfish dishes. i asked max what he wants. he goes, oh, lobster. son, we're gettingdungeness crab. you still want to get lobster? he's like, i only wantto eat lobster. he wants lobster.

he's going to be difficultuntil he gets his fucking lobster. max koshkerman: i just want totry that cantonese style. eddie huang: how difficult. i thought you were difficult. this guy's fucking difficult. simonez wolf: i'm difficult? eddie huang: no he'sdifficult. max koshkerman: i'm justhigh maintenance.

simonez wolf: i'mnot difficult. i'm just proper. eddie huang: we gotonly shellfish. that's some bowl of shit. we only ordered shellfish. cheers. and we got dungeness crabover sticky rice there. they take a live dungeness crab,butcher it live, take the top off.

they'll take sticky rice. then they'll throw itin the wok a little. then it goes on top of lotusleaves into a bamboo steamer. it's probably the illest dishout there in any restaurant in the north right now. go ahead. go ahead emile. you go in. go dig in emile.

this is the best part,see inside the brain? that yellow shit. get up in the brains. this shit is the best. so this is steamed oyster withxo sauce, chili oil, dried scallop, all kindsof good stuff. and then the fried rice dishthat we had was a salt fish fried rice. the protein that you see inthere is diced chicken bits.

but the flavor for that friedrice is coming from salt fish. and i think i justsaid fried rice. [laughs] eddie huang: thatchinglish just pops its head up sometimes. so ugly. simonez wolf: oh look,look, look. eddie huang: oh here we go. i want you to take a photowith your lobster.

yo, if people knew sim wasgeeking out, taking food photos like that, i don't thinkhe could control any door in the city becausehe stunts on everyone. he the coolest guy you know. but now he's got his yelp on,fucking taking photos of food for his blog. so it's a funny dynamic,all of us. but we don't give a fuck. we'll geek out over shit.

we act a fool. anywhere we go, yousee we act a fool. after imperial palace,emile pussied out. he didn't want togo to the baths. simonez wolf: you coming? emile haynie: no,definitely not. no. eddie huang: so then we wentto the russian baths. just sweat it out, because wefelt gross from all that food.

how are you simonez? we are here at the russianbaths right now. simonez wolf: whoawhoa, gangsta. eddie huang: max was in therewith a bunch of dudes with no drawers on eating a pear. definitely let the streetsknow, that's max's shit. see, he was eatingthe fucking pear. you see him eatingthe fucking pear. no better place to eat a pearthan in a locker room full of

naked dudes. yo, i like to just getblazed and sweat. it's kind of cool. it's the perfect thing to dohigh because you don't have to think about anything. your mind is just consumedwith sweating. and you feel likeyou worked out. you feel like you burntsome calories, even though you didn't.

so we just fuckinggo to the baths. look at this shit. some intense negotiations goingon here at the baths. max, the price is listed man. the prices are listed. max is always fuckingnegotiating with people. he don't ever want to payfull price for anything. he'd go to chipotle and fuckingnegotiate if he could. max koshkerman: this plug, iwant one more round on the

house next time i come here. eddie huang: these persianpeople are the cheapest. female speaker 1: yeah, buthe know how to deal. eddie huang: you should takeanother photo here of him. put it up. this man steals. stealing memberships. max koshkerman: i'llsee you later. eddie huang: take care.

female speaker 1: good luck. eddie huang: after we wentto the baths, we just had the munchies. and we were like, whatcould we make? we're going to go to baohaus andmake fried bao ice cream sandwiches. it's going to be good. it's this way. male speaker: we're happy, no.

simonez wolf: neighborhoodwatch. eddie huang: damn, you juststunted on him in front of his girl, yo. you stealing shorties tonight? you stealing shorties? all right, we're goingto make this. drop eight baos in the fryer. eddie huang: no, just for fun. you want one?

we'll make one for you. female speaker 2:can i have one? eddie huang: yeah, we'llmake you one. no problem. male speaker 2: cani have one too? eddie huang: had them fried baoswith the red bean paste, the little shiso leaf, allthe finest greenery. and then vanilla ice cream orgreen tea ice cream, depending on what your flavor is.

oh delicious. here you go sim. you want ice cream sandwiches? all right, come get it. don't be shy. y'all scared of icecream sandwiches? male speaker 3: i'm a littleconfused about this. eddie huang: yeah, what areyou confused about? it's fucking ice creamand fried baos.

what's there to beconfused about? we're going to feed the streetsright now, everybody. simonez wolf: it's like a soupkitchen for ice cream. eddie huang: yeah, it'sa soup kitchen. this is a ice creamsoup kitchen. here you go. enjoy man. yeah man, motherfuckerslove free shit. they like anything free.

i could've taken a shitin a bao and they would've loved it. see this high munchie shit, itdoesn't need to be pretty. it just needs to be delicious. it's a fucking recession. i'm going to feed people. i'm going to run on thisplatform, ice cream. if your platform can be like,no, you cannot use plan b. i'll be like, i'm a nice guy.

i want you to eat ice creamand use plan b.


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